i want to wake up at 2 am, roll over, see your face, and know i’m right where i’m supposed to be.
The last time I spoke to my father was almost a year ago (May 3, 2013). It hurts more than anything knowing that he could careless and that his life will continue to carry on his life not caring about me. I’m the first one of his children to graduate high school and that still doesn’t matter. I’m tired of trying to say I’m okay that it’s just me and my mom, because I’m not. It’s not fair to her and it’s not fair to me. I deserved to have a dad. Why am I the only one not cared about? It hurts to be unloved by my own father. I wish he could see me graduate. But I’m still just a little girl dreaming and I guess I know deep down it’s impossible.
For once in my life I’m going to do something selfish , I want to go on my senior trip and even though I work a full time job and can easily pay for it, I’m going to make my mom pay for it because I deserve to enjoy atleast one thing as a senior in highschool/being a teenager. I deserve to not have to constantly worry about what’s going on with my mom and where she is and just focus on myself.
Dear Future Daughter:
1) When you’re at some party, chain smoking on the roof with some strange girl with blue hair and exorbitant large dark eyes, ask her about her day. I promise you, you won’t regret it. Often times you’ll find the strangest of people have the most captivating of stories to tell.
2) Please, never mistake desire for love. Love will engulf your soul, whilst desire will emerge as acid, slowly making it’s way through your veins, gradually burning you from the inside out.
3) No one is going to fucking save you, anything you’ve read or heard otherwise is bullshit.
4) One day a boy is going to come along who’s touch feels like fire and who’s words taste like vanilla, when he leaves you, you will want to die. If you know anything at all, know that it is only temporary.
5) Your mental health comes before school baby, always. If its midnight, and you have an exam the next day but your hands have been shaking for the past hour and a half and you’re not so sure you want to be alive anymore, pull out that carton of Ben and Jerry’s and afterwards, go the fuck to bed. So what if you get a 68% on the exam the next day? You took care of yourself and at the end of the day that will always come before a high test score. To hell with anyone who tells you differently."